Start, begin, hustle, action, just does it… I am an expert in ACTION. I know the steps needed to take to achieve a goal; I have studied, researched, proven exactly what it takes. I know the tips, the shortcuts, what to ignore, what to do to make it inevitable. So why am I so great at facilitating others in reaching their goals but so useless at actually applying my methodology to myself?
The answer is right there…’useless’…LANGUAGE is key, BELIEF is key, so that’s what I’m doing right now. Working hard on the language I use not when I speak out loud but what I say to myself. What goes round my head when I am talking to others? Sometimes the most dangerous place to be is inside your head, the thoughts we think can be the difference, THE DIFFERENCE between achieving and failing.
So why are we so scared of failing? Why are my peers shocked that I don’t mind the word ‘FAIL’? Why do people see it as a bad thing? We are human, and isn’t that what sets us apart? Our ability to fail at a something? Because and here’s the thing, failing means we are TRYING. Everything I have read about self-development, personal development, self-help, recovery tells about the fact we ‘should’ TRY. And there’s the ‘language’ again…’SHOULD’ such a small word, but one we use a lot of the time, particularly in our heads.
SHOULD its such a weird word to type, it feels icky, and when something feels icky, I have learnt to try and avoid it whether its people, conversations, products, or places. If it’s ‘icky’ it means it doesn’t sit well with your values. Which means it isn’t important to you, which means avoid it or it will make you feel just plain wrong.
So where am I going with this post? Not entirely sure…because guess what? I haven’t got a goal!
I had a goal and I have achieved it and I cant wait to celebrate this weekend. It felt good, it felt strong, it felt right and I DID IT. Why? Because I wrote it down, I reminded myself of it often, I asked for help, for support (and got it in spades) I broke it down in to manageable chunks, reflected every few days on how I was doing and what I needed to do next. I spoke kindly to myself, I worked on the things I knew I needed to inside and out.
So why the last 3 days have I binged, because I haven’t got a goal, I haven’t got a focus, I am not striving for anything…and right now I am tired, I am exhausted it was hard work. I did the work, and it hurt both physically and mentally, because I had to be conscious, you can’t do the work without being conscious, without knowing what you are doing and why you are doing it. So having reached my goal, and not having thought about my next one I slipped back to ‘easy’ to that unconscious living we do when life is hard, when we have too much to do, when we aren’t making time for the stuff we know works.
There is probably a book or a system or a whole tribe of people called ‘living consciously’ (haven’t googled it but there most certainly will be) because that is the answer, the answer to life itself its not about being happy or having balance (I have learnt that both of these are due to our circumstances, our environment you can affect them a little but they aren’t ‘things’ to strive for, they just happen sometimes, and if you cling on to them like a magnet they will disappear so just best not really focus on them and just let them wash over you when they are here, and don’t worry about it when they are not)
SO here is a reminder, to myself mainly, but to any of you that read this – GOALS work, they give you something to strive for (note my language, STRIVE, healthy striving is what we are aiming for, not obsession, not ignoring everything else around you, healthy striving) review and reflect – OFTEN, know how you are going to CELEBRATE and by celebrate have an appropriate celebration planned (if your goals are around changing your habits with regards to rewarding yourself with food or alcohol don’t make the celebration about food or alcohol…)
WRITE IT DOWN – every study, every client, every example I can possibly think of, people reach goals when they write it down, when they commit to it, there is something that moves to our unconscious minds when we write things down and this is important. Ask for help, yep tough one, we like to think we can do it all on our own, there is something that is celebrated in our society about achieving something all by ourselves, don’t make this harder than it needs to be…ask for help and it will be given whether it’s a friend, an expert or the man in the coffee shop ASK FOR HELP. Lastly pay attention to the voice in your head, try and hear it, move past the negative language, and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Its going to HURT, because this is THE WORK and this is how to LIVE, why we live, and how to get in your groove, get your mojo back, whatever you call it – GET YOUR GOAL ON